Gobsmacked

In honour of Mother's Day, I wish to present you with one of my favourite stories of Lynne Lurie (aka the Mom aka Lynnesky aka Mommmmmm-Asher's-bugging-me!!!). Anyone who has met this fine lady knows the following three things: a) she has a classy accent b) she makes an unreal zucchini soup c) she is unfailingly kind. Growing up, I knew that I could come to my Mom with any problem and she would soothe my worries with her dulcet Zimbabwean tones and a dose of soup and I would soon be right as rain. Well, dear readers, my faith in my Mother's supply of unending comfort was tested one fateful day at age fifteen. Of course, the event took place in the one area of the planet sure to shatter any childhood illusions...



There we were, on a beach in South Florida. It was winter vacation and the Luries were enjoying a respite from the crushing Canadian December of 2005. We couldn't have asked for a better day. The sun was out, we had sandwiches in the cooler, and the sunscreen was flowing like the Potomac in flood. A sandy shoreline stretched for miles in either direction, liberally sprinkled with sandcastles and sunbathing jews.

Never such innocence again

While Asher snoozed on the beach, the rest of the Luries ventured bravely out into the ocean armed with nothing but hope and faith - just like Moses. We swam, we splashed, we sang showtunes. It was a roaring good time. That is until the ocean decided to attack me.

There I am, tiny Shira Lurie, standing in the vast Atlantic Ocean, when a fish JUMPS out of the water, flexes its body, and in the process, HITS MY ARM. Everyone froze. I stood there stunned. I turned to my Mother out of natural instinct, expecting her to have already whipped me up a fresh batch of soup. But instead, she stared blankly at me for a second and then cried with mirth (and a British colonial inflection):

"DID A FISH JUST SLAP YOU?!?"

The rest of the family then burst out laughing. Not even the faint mark the fish left on my arm could garner me some sympathy! Feeling victimized by both the fish and my fellow mammals, I returned to the shore to sulk. I was soon joined by the rest of the fam, still chuckling over the bizarre attack they had just witnessed. My Mother was so overjoyed with this incident that she made the unprecedented decision to WAKE MY BROTHER UP to tell him about it.

LOOK AT THAT WELT (and that tan!)

Also, the next year I got stung by a jellyfish and no one believed me until I showed them my bubbling skin.

Love you, Mom! You always make me laugh, even when you're neglecting me in my moment of need!