ROBIN: the batmobile won’t start— FRO VO (@fro_vo) January 6, 2018
BATMAN: check the battery
ROBIN: what’s a tery
I have this theory that cycling is as close as a middle-class straight white guy can get to understanding Being Female. People have a reckless disregard for your safety, you have to treat everyone like they might hurt you, and if you do get hurt people will blame you for existing— Emma Hart (@Ghetsuhm) January 28, 2018
Happy Ground(hug) day! pic.twitter.com/Ee1FHT1EFO— PEANUTS (@Snoopy) February 2, 2018
Report from the field: Masculinity still in crisis. pic.twitter.com/QVTqBWrdNJ— honor sachs (@drhonor) February 7, 2018
La Croix tastes like the only soft drink they'd allow in a dystopian future where no one is allowed to have emotions— Chad Vigorous (@PrettyBadLefty) February 10, 2018
A Neutral Milk Hotel is a Complicit Milk Hotel.— Darth Vader Ginsburg (@casimerkowalski) February 19, 2018
Moses was technically the first person to download files to his tablet from the cloud.— Dire Wolf (@ADDiane) March 30, 2018
every cat falls into one of the following categories:— kimmy (@ka_waltz) April 6, 2018
• looks like it knows how to use a sword but refuses to teach you
• looks like it just finished eating an éclair
My 4 year old brought found a game in our pantry and goes “what is this?” and I go “Boggle. Want me to show you how to play?” and he goes “No, I want you to show me how to win” so I guess what I’m saying is anyone can write Aaron Sorkin dialogue.— Justin Halpern (@justin_halpern) April 24, 2018
🎶 Come with me, and you'll be,— Glenn Loury 2.0 Darker, Gayer, Different (@justabloodygame) May 6, 2018
In a world of labor violations 🎶 pic.twitter.com/STpPOlMGAm
a cat is just a dog that knows their worth— jonny sun (@jonnysun) May 16, 2018
*ska makes a comeback in 2019*— keezy (@sour_mamba) May 23, 2018
jk rowling: ron is wearing checkered vans throughout the entire 4th book
did a spider write this pic.twitter.com/UK91QFd1ck— Jon Savitt (@savittj) May 29, 2018
RACHEL MADDOW— Connor McSpadden (@connormcspadden) June 9, 2018
There's a lot going on in the news, indictments in the Trump Russia probe, the G7 summit, Chinese hackers stealing US intelligence.
But we begin tonight 4.6 billion years ago, when a myriad of comets began delivering icy payloads of water to a still cooling Earth.
It’s so fucking weird that we scrape the seed pod of an orchid into ice cream and that flavor is considered plain.— Michael Hoffman (@Hoffm) July 6, 2018
Little secret about me: my answer to the question “would you like a receipt” is based on absolutely nothing and changes all the time— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) July 30, 2018
FRIEND: It's called cauliflower. It's not ghost broccoli.— Roxi Horror 💀🌸 (@roxiqt) August 3, 2018
ME: [taking a long drag on my cigarette] Listen kid, I know what I saw.
Dang who radicalized McDonald’s pic.twitter.com/yXEAJEDjEl— Mina (@maddc8) August 14, 2018
I drink sooo much water every day why do I still have so many problems— Hailey Mae Sam (@btwhaileymae) August 17, 2018
i enjoy driving and flying on planes because they both allow me to experience my unrelenting and constant fear of dying but also i get to sit down— jonny sun (@jonnysun) August 18, 2018
why is this so funny to me pic.twitter.com/fUDik7CTF5— CHELO (@chelllssseeea) August 21, 2018
Coaching dress code:— Nate Usher (@thenatewolf) November 10, 2018
Football - Dad who plays video games
Baseball - Little kid during Halloween
Soccer - Bond villain
Hockey - Things are finally looking up for old Gill. pic.twitter.com/Dta9DxDsmX
broke: debating your uncles— Kelsey D. Atherton (@AthertonKD) November 22, 2018
woke: organizing your cousins
Start writing a book. https://t.co/98YIJVJ54z— Isaac Fitzgerald🤞🏻🖤 (@IsaacFitzgerald) December 27, 2018
OH MAN I HOPE THEY RECOVERED BOTH OF THE BOOKS https://t.co/LnbKn37dhC
— Beto al-Assad (@AliceAvizandum) December 27, 2018
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